Siti Nurhanis
Sprinter
Hurdler
Cedarian
Victorian
i love you
Wednesday, December 13
haix,today is really a bad,bad,bad,bad day..... that's it....for all that has happened today,i don't know whether i can take it any longer... i've tried to persevere but i think this is the point where i tell myself-forget it,i dont even know myself....
for the first time in my life i actually stood in front of the mirror and stared real hard trying to look for the real me and seriously,i'm not kidding-i saw somebody else,i'm not myself-i've gone long time ago...
and i cried the most today-thinking about every single thing...i cried for one and a half hours non-stop....i dont know...just felt like letting everything out but i'm supposed to feel more relieved and free,right??but i don't... i am really a failure,i can never be good at anything!!YOU have said once-i'm useless...
since pri 4,i've tried my very best till now to excel in track but i'm NOWHERE...i sacrificed alot,it's like losing everything in this world that you have but i can NEVER be THERE....no matter how much you want me to.i can NEVER be good for you....so what if i have good technique?! it's not as though that ONLY teachnique can get you THERE....no!! what the hell,i really dont care anymore... i'm just going to push myself to THE LIMIT and whatever happened to me at the end-i dont care...i just want you to know that i've tried my best....my very best to achieve that target you've set for me every year... And i wanna tell YOU sth,cause i know somehow you'll end up here reading this...and if YOU are reading this...i wanna let you know that i'm sorry that i really have to go for that pahang trip with my family...to tell YOU the truth,i want to go for that relay training!! it's not that i want to slack or anything and mind YOU,i went into a lot of TROUBLE and FIGHTS AND CONFLICTS just to try to PERSUADE AND BEG my parents so that i dont have to follow so that i can go FOR TRAINING...now,do i sound as though i'm a slacker?! I know that i'm weak,ver weak,i cant last for hurdle drills,its just that i cant take it-i'm breathless-i cant breathe properly ok?!i have breathing problems...... but please i BEG YOU to stop thinking that i'm not GOOD enough,i CAN BE GOOD if you just TRUST AND BELIEVE ME ONCE AGAIN!! i CAN BE AS CRAZY AS THE PEOPLE ON THE TRACK WINNING MEDALS.......if only YOU AND THE REST START TO BELIEVE IN ME AND SUPPORT ME AGAIN........
my phone.......haix,i put a security code when unlocking my phone so that my baby sis and my bro wont touch it..........but my gosh!!!i have no idea what they have done that even the correct code cant unlock my phone!! aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! why must everything happen to me??!! uuurrgh now,i can only receive calls and nothing else.... if i wanna read sms or anything-i have to use my mum's old phone which will blackout every now and then...my old phone-my mum took it..........uuurrrgh freak....
