Siti Nurhanis
Sprinter
Hurdler
Cedarian
Victorian
i love you
Friday, November 17
oh what the hell ah!! i so freaking hate all this that is happening around me...like what the fcuk?? i bloody cannot take it anymore lah...damn eeeerrrggghhh!!!! fought with my mum for no reason,fought woth sis,dad and bro also i also dunnoe y lah....its like whenever i'm in a convo woth them or anything,i must alwaes be the one who gives in...
seriously speaking...nobody knows wat u're going through right now...ppl say tat talking to your mum helps but it doesnt when they do not listen to you or pretend to listen to you.................................some say talking to counsellors.oh wat the hell!!!!NO!! especially when they try to 'relate to their lives or their daughter's lives' and ending up telling a story and wasting your time,not even helping you!! talking to youir coach? that may help but no.....not at this situation...........................................................EEERRRGGHH...i'm seriously tearing when i'm writing this cause i cant stand it any longer...and hell no!! no way am i going back to my old ways no matter wat it is cause it'll make matter worst...
things are really going getting from bad to worst now....every wrong thing that happens is MY FAULT??!!! thanks ah.....wat the hell right??
like example u give out w/s(h/w) or sth to the clas...distribute one by one individually and when u realised there's a shortage of one and u decided to sacrifice your w/s.....so,u had to wait for sumodi to finish her h/w before u can do yours(borrow) and suddenly someone comes up and say:eh,i didnt get the w/s.....Dont know who ah go and give out..shit her ah.....
like waht t he hell right?you try your very best to sacrifice EVERYTHING,studies,time,trg,sleep,diet....i repeat:EVERYTHING!!!
and people dont even give you SOME credit...i dont want gifts,i dont want anything but just a thank you, a hug-u know that kind of thing that doesnt need money?!! hmmpphhss....really u noe...i feel as though i'm being used by people throughout my life!! like what the hell ah?
i had a project soo we had to do in grps of 4....fine...i got a grp...but as the date drew nearer, nobody did anything...i did all the planning,writing,rushing,sleepless nights and EVERYTHING!!! and you know how much our group got?? 44/50 marks lah.... fine,i did 95% of the work lah!! and all they did was slack...and u noe what they say?? "YAY,i wont fail my____________ subject-i wont fail overall...yay!!! anyway ah, how does the project looks like?" wow...like so freaking idiot...and they didnt even see the project,they didnt even touch a thing and lucky for them i HELPED them to get flying marks ah.......but not even a simple thank you??
and for the written examinations....u know what one of them said?? eh,hanis!! later i seat beside u in the examination room since the tables are not separated....then i copy u,k? she repeated it like 30 times!!!! and am i suppose to say?i took it like as htough its a joke ah....then she really squeeze through the other people so that she'll sit beside me and she kept looking at my paper!! and i was like wat the fcuk?? sadly i dint study much cause i was in a big confusion about something... anyway...she didnt really get to sit beside me....she sad beside me,yes but one metre away.... see.....i've said it once and i'll say it again,
I AM BEING USED BY PEOPLE ALL THESE YEARS,i dont mind helping people....i do help people but is this what i get in return???
some ppl did ask me...why is it that you keep treating ppl in a sense,wasting so much money on ppl or just wasting money?? ithe answer is: I have xtra money, i treat ppl.u noe why?i like to see ppl happy,it makes me happy... to me money is nothing much its just something u have to have at least a little money to live...yes,but to tell u the truth i cant keep money...cause i'll treat others n if i do...i hope the other person is happy.....and another person asked:what about yourself? i said: i'm sorry but i'm just born in a way that i care for ppl and not myself....i'm just sorry............
haix....i dont know what is to become of me,my life,future,studies,job whatever shit ah................ i dont know....i wish sumone can help me but noone will cause they have thier own problem and they thing that i'm just a BURDEN or a NUISANCE for them....its true...
nobody believes me....nobody ever RESPECT OR CARE for me!and its true...i know mummy do care(not my real mum,eergh,who thinks she's the only one haveing problems...like come on ah her problem is nothing ah)FCUK!!!
i'm so pissed....
i'm so confused....
i'm so irritating....
i'm so being used up by ppl for their own credit.......
this is only part of what i'm going through...and abviously i'm dealing woth worst things-i just feel like exploding now.........and i know know one can help me...maybe i think,one day, i'll be in the inststute of mental health....at least there'll be someone whoi will care for me!!
fcul,i'm sorry if i'm a burden for you....maybe i shall just go away...far away from here!! i should jus disappear...if only-----i WISH!! i'm sorry elle...i really am.......but i promise,now,i really do....i'm not going back to my old ways.....((x
